If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
