At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
