I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
