So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Randomize
