Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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