you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
