I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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