puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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