Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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