I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
