I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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