I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
