he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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