The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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