Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
