Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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