coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize