You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
