Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
