as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Randomize
