I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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