she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
