Umm I'm too high to move.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
