My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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