Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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