mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
