nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Ketchup is God's man juice
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
