I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
