god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
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