garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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