last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
it hurts more in the daytime
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
