HIV tests are more positive than that guy
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Small penises have feelings too.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
