We need to rekindle our bromance
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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