You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
