you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
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