Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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