Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
