Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
