i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
