here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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