He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
