The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
