I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
