I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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