used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
