Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
