i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
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