your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
