I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I just gift wrapped bread.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Randomize
