I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize