I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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