just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you didnt know i had herpes?
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
