cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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