oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
