Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
