you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
