There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
