imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
