Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize