Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
