Moan for me like Helen Keller
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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