So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
So many bounce houses so little time
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
