You really coming over, don't trick.
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
