butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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