I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
