The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
