So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
her vagine was all disorganized.
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
