I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
