I'm lost and stupid without you.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
