dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize