Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
