Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
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