Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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