she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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