I am spending my child support on dildos
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
