my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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