i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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