I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
