it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
